Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
