Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
