Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
