We're facebook friends in real life
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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