Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
