Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
