please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
