Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
