I want to have your abortion
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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