it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
