Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
