giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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