Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my poor anus
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
