He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
