This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
