i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
