Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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