pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
