Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
