I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
