Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
