:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
