jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
