sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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