well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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