On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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