I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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