woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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