I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
