I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
