Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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