We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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