i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
