Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
