It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
