Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
