When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we're making bets on your personal life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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