I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
