It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
