I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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