i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
