If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
