I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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