apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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