dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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