yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
