I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so let's talk penis.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
