got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
