i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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