my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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