They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
