You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
