at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
