I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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