What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we should paint friendship bongs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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