12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
