after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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