We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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