i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
