life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
