I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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