dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
