I just pynch a tree in the face
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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