she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
