i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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