she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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