I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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