Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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