I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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