3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
