Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
