Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
