so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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