Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
