Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize