He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
