I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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